Like a diamond in the rough…

August 1, 2012

I’ve always been completely tantalized by unintentional humor/irony. I especially love it when grammatical errors are involved in conveying an unintended meaning.  To me, coming upon an unexpected morsel of comedy is like pessimistically rummaging through the “XL” section for a shirt that I want in my size (on sale, of course), searching and seeking desperately for what feels like two and a half decades, almost giving up due to dehydration, and then suddenly — as if by an act of divine intervention –finding the very last “medium” in the store.  You just want to run up to some random lady and be like, “Look what I FOUND!! Yeah! It was in the XL section! HA! It’s $8.75! Yeah, I KNOOOW!! It’s SO nice, right???” Anyway, I recently came face-to-face with two examples of completely accidental comedy. I should preface my presentation of the photo evidence by saying that I do indeed recognize that neither of them are that funny in “real life” but to me, and hopefully to some of you (my world-wide audience of blog readers), they’re just an excuse to smile…

Photo #1: 

After almost going deaf due to the hideous teenybopper music that was blasting at about eighty-five decibels over “tolerable,” I stumbled into the fitting room of Annie Sez and found this sparkling gem. Immediately,  I couldn’t help but imagine what the world of retail would be like if women were forced to remove their underwear and shoes upon entering a fitting room.  I don’t know, Annie. Seems a BIT presumptuous if you ask me!

Photo #2:

This next photo was taken at a dollar store in Florida. As I was paying for my 4-pack of Orbitz and my roll of wrapping paper (which will most likely disintegrate before I get to use it), I couldn’t help but notice something unusual in the “impulse buy” section.  Can you spot the item that doesn’t belong?? We’ve got some balloons, some tissues, bubbles, batteries, oh wait – what’s this? A home pregnancy test, you say?? Let’s face it, ladies. We all know how easy it is to forget that you could possibly be with child. Well, NOT ANYMORE! Thanks, “Dollar Deals!” No, but, really, why is that there??

Thus concludes my third blog entry of the summer.  Have a phenomenal day!!!

Go read a book!

July 11, 2012

My boyfriend’s mother recently gave me a book to read that she thought I would appreciate and enjoy. She was right. Since it was published in 1992, Bastard Out of Carolina  wasn’t necessarily something I would have come across on my own (I was too busy reading about Babysitters and other teenage girls with “sparkling blue eyes”) but I’m glad it found it’s way into my hands.  The story is told in the voice of Ruth Anne Boatright, referred to as “Bone.” Born into a notoriously “white trash” family in Greenville County, South Carolina, Bone must contend with a particularly harrowing set of circumstances, all beyond her control.  She can handle the poverty, and the moving from one ramshackle house to the next, but the physical and sexual abuse from her stepfather is a burden that Bone finds impossible to reconcile. So, without going into too much depth, let me give you a basic overview of all you need to know about this book. First, to put it simply, Dorothy Allison’s writing style is transportive and her use of Southern dialect is nothing short of masterful.  The novel is partially biographical and it is clear to see that Allison writes with a keen understanding of her characters and the ways in which they view the world.

In this excerpt, Bone is talking with her Grandmother about wanting to become a gospel singer, despite her obvious lack of vocal talent:

“Bullshit and apple butter,”  Granny laughed cruelly when I finally told her about watching the morning gospel singers and wanting to be like them.  ”You got to be joking, Bone!  You can’t sing girl.  You can’t sing at all.”

     ”Not now,” I admitted grudgingly.  ”But I’m working on it.  I’m gonna get better.  And think about it, Granny.  Think about what it would be like.”

 ”Oh, I know.”  Granny’s expression became gentle, her voice careful.  ”I know the power of gospel singers.  Some of these Christian women will believe anything for the sake of a gospel singer.”

       ”Anything.”  I loved the way she said that.  Granny’s “Christian women” came out like new spit on a dusty morning, pure and precious and deeply satisfying.

Bone’s story is not for the faint-hearted, nor those in search for a light beach read (I, personally, did read it from my lounge chair).  The gritty rawness will disturb and haunt you but there is something about the way Allison gives her narrator a voice that is enchantingly tragic – she captivates you.

If you liked these titles, you just might like Bastard:  The Glass Castle, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Secret Life of Bees 

PS - There is a movie that was made-for-tv by Showtime in 1996. It was directed by Angelica Houston, starring Jena Malone and it got some pretty positive reviews. I’ll probably check it out soon and I’ll let you know how I think it compares to the book, but, just as with any adapted for on-screen novel, I doubt it will pale in comparison!

(I know, it’s sad. Mom, don’t read this book. You will not like this book.)

An Introduction

July 4, 2012

Well, hello there! It’s been quite some time since I last blogged, and I’m psyched to finally be back! While we’re on the subject, I know professional writers typically claim to detest the word “blog” because “ANYONE can blog,” therefore, there is a lack of prestige associated with the medium. Yeah, OK, I totally get it, but as a completely non-professional writer, I have my own reasons for disliking this term.

Reason 1 – Sounds too much like “blah.”

Reason 2 – Sounds too much like “blob.”

Simple as that. Anyway, my reasons for returning to the world of internet publishing are plentiful. The primary one being that I’m at the point where I just can’t contain myself anymore! I’m a teacher, and my schedule has quieted down for the summer, which opens up a nice piece of real estate in my brain where extensive “to-do” lists and 10th grade vocabulary quiz questions once selfishly resided.  We’ll get to the other reasons in due time…

Now, to explain the title of the blog. I knew I wanted to choose a name that somehow both defined me and identified what my writing would focus on. Truthfully, I’m not a person who has an abundant wealth of knowledge or expertise in one specific area so this could never be a “Cooking” blog, or a “Fashion” blog,  or a “Justin Bieber” blog. Oh, and this is also not a “Mommy” blog because I’m not there yet; however, I do feel that I have some fun/interesting/helpful insights to share and I do certainly enjoy thinking and writing about music, literature, fashion/beauty, attempting to cook, relationships/dating, and human nature, in general. When it comes to my present situation, I don’t feel like I’m 100% anywhere. I think there’s something to be said for being at that point in life which feels simultaneously determined and also filled with potential. And that’s what I intend to explore in this very BLOG!

What I’m listening to: Once - A New Musical

What I’m reading: You Shall Know Our Velocity – Dave Eggers